


What He Left Behind

by Anonymous43



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, M/M, Ziam AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2281035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous43/pseuds/Anonymous43
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Liam left, the world shifted. Things changed. The sky seemed darker, silence seemed too loud, and it rained more, didn't it? Zayn doesn't clearly remember all of it, to be honest. After all, being in an alcohol induced haze had more benefits than drawbacks at the time. But Zayn discovers that Liam left an obvious trail behind him that reeks of desire and regret. Zayn knows how to find Liam. The question is, does he want to?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He Left Behind

* * *

I.

When Liam left, the world shifted.

It was as though everything in life was put on hold. Zayn stayed in more. He slept until noon, drank from after lunch until dinner, ate, and then drank until sleep came creeping up on him again. It was hazy, broken, the biggest piece of shit Zayn had ever been through. And it had been hopeless right from the start. As if Zayn really knew that he couldn't live without Liam and that trying would be a waste of effort. Effort that he desperately needed for other things. Things like work. But even that effort was lacking, and within a week of Liam's absence, Zayn had lost his job. There were warnings, one on one talks with his boss, but Zayn couldn't admit that all of this had to do with his _boyfriend leaving him_. Not only would it label him "clingy", it would also label him as an emotionally insecure person, which Zayn wasn't, right?

Losing work made things harder. The power got turned off in Zayn's apartment and he no longer had a budget that would support his drinking. But that didn't stop Zayn. His bank accounts dropped lower than they ever had. He still went out and got wasted, or stayed in and drank until he threw up all over the carpet that was just installed by the land lord a few months ago. He just didn't understand how to get through life without Liam. He didn't understand how the world was still spinning because Liam was fucking gone. Zayn loved Liam so much, he loved him more than he had ever thought possible. He craved him. So Zayn had put up with their fights, because it was worth it. The little problems were worth it, because them being together was magical, the way their hands fit perfectly together, the way their skin color contrasted like sunrise and sunset. Zayn had been drugged by the presence of Liam, the breathing into his mouth. The whispering in his ear. And then Liam left, and the drug wore off and the pain hit Zayn hard. And so, the drinking was _really becoming a problem_. In the back of Zayn's mind, he knew that. He understood that he was destroying himself from the inside out. He also understood that the emotional pain he was feeling would be only a scratch compared to the pain he would feel if he ever attempted to stop drinking. In fact, he knew that quitting his drinking was going to take more effort then he had to give. Maybe that's why he never listened to the voice in the back of his mind telling him stop. He never tried to quit it because he knew he couldn't.

So Zayn sat in bed, staring at the ceiling and hating himself, but hating Liam more because it had been so fucking stupid. The fights had been _pointless_. And the yelling would get so loud that Zayn would plug his ears and scream the first thing that came to mind.

"Fucking pack up and leave, Liam," Zayn had spat, " _Just leave_ ,"

So really, maybe this was Zayn's fault. But Liam had been the one flirting with other people, right? He was the one joking about having affairs and cheating, right? Liam was the one starting up a jealousy fueled bicker that turned into this full out war, right? Zayn doesn't really remember those fights, they were always teary and left him with a killer headache. 

But Liam had done what Zayn had told him to do. Liam had left. And Zayn drank himself into another state of being in which he pretended not care. Eventually the drinking was so bad his best friend Louis stopped by. Louis was one of those guys who had an endlessly caring heart but didn't open up to people unless they really needed it. Apparently, at the time, Zayn needed it. Louis opened the door to Zayn's apartment without knocking and walked right in. He cleaned the living room, then the kitchen, and finally the bedroom and bathroom. Zayn was laying on his bed the whole time, ignoring the rushing little figure around him and hoping that he would go away. But Louis was stubborn, and with his mind set to fixing things, there was no way to stop this.

Eventually, Louis pushed Zayn up into a sitting position, raised his right hand a little, and slapped his best friend hard on the cheek. 

"Ow," Zayn felt drowsy and his voice was low and slurred, "What was that for, man?" The pain really didn't register in Zayn's mind like it should have. 

"For being an idiot," Louis rolled his eyes, "Stand up I'm making the bed,"

Zayn obeyed, sliding off the bed and to his feet. The bright sun was burning his eyes though, making his head pound even more than it already was. Zayn pulled his palm up and shielded his eyes, "Why did you open the windows? It's way too bright in here, Lou."

"Get used to it."

"What are you doing here anyway?"

Louis smoothed the duvet down on the bed, "I'm here to fix this,"

After a few weeks of Louis' help and the constant nagging from his other friend, Niall, Zayn was finally able to get out of his rut. _That's what friends are for, right?_ Zayn still thinks about drinking whenever Liam comes to his mind, but he has enough sense to push all those feelings away. For now at least.

Besides, that brings us to current day.

 

~*~

 

 Zayn is standing in the kitchen, staring at a perfectly good chicken club sandwich and debating whether he really wants to eat it or not. After all, it was left here by Louis, who had, maybe once or twice, pulled a prank on Niall with a sandwich that was a lot like this one. But it looks really good, and Zayn is really, really fucking hungry. He gives into his stomach and is about to grab the sandwich when Niall walks into the room. The blond laughs loudly, tilting his head back and the whole bit, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, mate. Last time I ate a mysterious chicken club I also ingested belly button lint and two worms. It didn't settle well,"

The idea of that is enough to kill Zayn's appetite, "Thanks for the warning." So Zayn throws away the chicken club and goes to the fridge to make his own sandwich, something he hasn't done since Liam left. The simple thought of Liam's name makes Zayn feel a little queasy, but he pushes it all aside and focuses back on his hunger instead. He grabs the bread, some turkey, some lettuce, and he sets to making something all on his own. When he's ready for the finishing touch [a diagonal cut so that he has two little triangles] he runs to the knife drawer. [or maybe it was more of a random drawer, because pens and knives and post-it notes don't make a drawer a simple knife drawer] He grabs the wooden handle and pulls, watching as the pens and knives slip and slide over the bottom of the drawer. Niall laughs in the background because he has always made fun of the way that Liam and Zayn used to keep their knives in a drawer with other things like scissors and paper clips. Zayn is about to reach for the knife when his eyes catch something on the side of the wood, a small post-it note with writing scrawled across it. Zayn reaches for it, instead of the knife, and pulls it up to his face so he can read. As soon as the note is in his hand, he knows that it's a post-it note Liam had written. He can tell by the way the handwriting tilts a little bit more to the left than it should. He can tell by the way the note starts: Dear Zee. He can tell by the way the words are written so beautifully yet so wrong, because fuck. What the fuck is this? Why is this here? What shit is Liam trying to pull? Zayn thought he had gone through all of his things and gotten rid of Liam for good. But now this? He never thought to check the knife, post-it note, and paper clip drawer. Why would Liam put anything in here?

Zayn takes his time to read. He starts slow. Reads it once, twice, three times through. "Dear Zee, I'm leaving. You told me to leave. I don't want to. Love, Liam. 245-5233"

It's bullshit. That's what it is. Zayn is honestly pissed. Because is Liam trying to play a little game of hide and seek? Zayn isn't really sure what this is but he. is. pissed. And it's nothing he can stop. It's just this boiling that starts in his lower stomach and spreads all the way to the tips of his ears. The last time he fought with Liam, the last time Zayn said goodbye, that had been it. That was supposed to be the last time they ever had anything between them. Liam had left, taken his things, moved away, changed his number. But now? Now Liam is trying to play this fucking game. How long as Liam been waiting for Zayn to find this? Did he put this fucking not in the drawer the day he left? That means it was what, three months ago?

The last time Zayn checked, Liam changed his phone number, right? In fact, Liam changed a lot about his life. Zayn assumed he had gone through all that trouble so that the two of them would never see each other again. However, it seems as though Liam has set up his own little game. And the game is starting with a fucking phone number. Zayn is so angry and so confused that he slams the drawer shut and turns to face Niall, who is a little thrown off by the noise.

"What's that?"

Zayn wants to rip the post-it note to shreds, "It's from Liam,"

"What?" Niall lurches forward, reaching out with his left hand, because fuck, he liked it when Liam and Zayn were together. Zayn was a lot more fun and he drank a lot less. "What does it say?" He's grabbing for the note now, trying to take it into his own hands.

Zayn pulls the small piece of paper away, "Stop it...fuck, Niall, what the fuck is this? There's a phone number. He left a phone number. Fuck this. Just fuck,"

"A phone number from Liam?"

Zayn just nods and doesn't understand how this could be happening after all this time. Liam is supposed to be gone for good. Zayn can already feel himself internally twist. He can feel half of himself dying to call the number while the other half is screaming and yelling, " _No, don't fucking call him. He put you through hell. He broke you and left, Zayn._ " It gets so loud. Zayn's head starts to hurt. Niall is finally able to take the post-it and he reads it once, twice, three times, and four.

Niall is in disbelief, "He never wanted to leave,"

"But he fucking changed his phone number," Zayn argues, "He obviously didn't have interest in maintaining contact or getting back together. He didn't tell me where he was going. He just packed up and left,"

"But he left you this," Niall's big blue eyes are shining, "I mean, you dated him for what...two years? Three years? You don't just get over someone so quick. He didn't want to leave you. He only left because you made him,"

"Fuck, Niall, this doesn't mean he was any less of an asshole to me,"

There's a noise from the other side of the kitchen then, capturing Zayn and Niall's attention. It's Louis, of course, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes closed, "What are you two yelling about? I heard the name Liam and I swear if he is back in this picture I may have to punch him in the face thirty seven times,"

Niall immediately starts talking. About the note. About Liam not wanting to leave. About the fact that Zayn now has a phone number. Louis is not as excited as Niall is. In fact, Louis is the exact opposite. He was the one who had to clean up Zayn and the mess that Liam left behind. He was the one who had to get his friend to stop killing himself with alcohol. He was the one who had to hear Zayn sob night after night because of it. And sure, Niall was there too, but the fact was that Louis simply took this to heart more than Niall did. Because Louis understood how much pain Zayn had really been in. How much _pain he is still in_. So Louis shakes his head a little and walks towards Niall, taking the post-it out of his hand and looking down at the sloppy hand writing. It's not much, this note. But it is something. Something that Zayn could hold onto. Something that could spark that love deep inside Zayn. Louis is worried about that. He doesn't want this to happen again. It was dead painful the first time. So Louis takes the little post-it note and rips it into small pieces, shoving it into the trash. Both Zayn and Niall's eyes go  wide, but no one says a word. That is, until Louis says, "It's over and it has been for months. We move forward,"

What Louis says, goes.

But later that night as Zayn is sitting in bed, he feels this tugging in his stomach. He thinks about the first time he met Liam. They had been running in the park, going different ways. Zayn was training for a 5k and Liam was just taking a jog. It had been an accident, their shoulders hitting hard, sending them falling to the path. Liam had laughed, and apologized, because he had been trying to get out of a bikers way, and wasn't paying attention to where he was running. Zayn laughed back. They stood up and brushed off and chatted a little. It hadn't been much really, not so romantic, not so love at first sight. They had both just continued on with their days. It wasn't until they saw each other again on the path that Liam had asked Zayn on a date. Zayn was in no position to decline, because Liam was beautiful, and he had this way of talking and laughing that made Zayn stop and stare. So they dated, and they were so fucking in love. Liam would pick Zayn up and carry him out into the rain, and kiss him hard. Zayn would bring home flowers every Friday. They talked about getting married one day. Neither of them wanted it any other way.

The start had been so easy for them.

Why did the end have to be so hard?

That they were both just too stressed with work, and family, and friends, and life. They had moved in together too soon maybe. They had invested everything into the relationship, and it got tiring. Liam didn't feel like Zayn paid enough attention to him. So Liam tried to make Zayn jealous. And the jealousy fueled fights that were stupid and fucking pointless. The fights didn't make Zayn love Liam any less, they just were confusing, and they hurt his feelings. So Zayn had called it quits. But why? Zayn is laying in bed and trying to fucking come up with a good answer. A good answer as to why he had called it quits. When life hits hard, you're supposed to hit harder. You're supposed to keep going. So why did Zayn ever give up in the first place? 

It comes down to love. How much Zayn really does love Liam.

Zayn loves Liam enough to try to get him back.

So Zayn sneaks out of his bed and downstairs, where he puts together the small post-it note one piece at a time. He makes a mental note to call the number the next morning.

 

~*~

 

 It takes a long time for Zayn to actually gather up the nerve to call the number. He still isn't sure if his decision is the right one. Louis would argue that this was stupid, and that Liam had started the fights and walked out as soon as Zayn gave him the go ahead. But Niall would argue that the two had been in love, and that love is something worth fighting for. Zayn doesn't know which side he believes more. But today, he decides to go all or nothing. At least give this phone number a call. See if it even means anything.

Both Louis and Niall work all day so Zayn doesn't have to worry about either of them swinging by his apartment and coming in without notice. He has time to do it. Zayn has all the time he needs to call the number that Liam left and figure out what the hell is going on, and more importantly, why he left such a note in the random drawer in their kitchen. Did the note really mean that Liam wanted it all back? 

So Zayn gathers up his courage, picks up his phone, and dials the number. It rings exactly four times and then, "Hello, this is Hemmington Suites, how may I help you?"

It's a hotel. Of course. The place Liam went to stay after Zayn kicked him out. 

Zayn's not sure where he's supposed to do with this now so he says, "Is there a Liam Payne staying with you?"

The man mumbles a little bit from the other side of the line and then hits a keyboard a few times, "Yeah, he was here about a month or two ago."

"Oh, okay," Zayn feels stupid. Of course Liam is long gone. Honestly, who stays at a hotel for three...almost four months? Is that how long it has been? In a last ditch effort Zayn asks, "Well, did he tell you where he was headed by chance?"

The man laughs, "Look, sir, I don't know who you are or what you want, but I can't just give out information about a customer, okay? Even if I did know where he went, I wouldn't tell you. I can't just give information out left and right. Life doesn't work like that. I suggest that you find a different way to contact your friend,"

This went downhill fast. Liam had left such promise with that phone number. Liam had left hope, and a trail, and a _fucking number_ so that Zayn could find him. But Zayn found the note too late and it hits him like a rock. Zayn had thought that things could work out again. That things could be better. Apparently not. It was too late.

Zayn's not really sure what he thought was going to happen when he called this number, but this scenario isn't it. He thought maybe Liam himself would answer, or, someone would tell Zayn how to fix this. But this number only lead Zayn to a hotel and a rude man on the phone. If Zayn could go back in time, he thinks he may have thought this through a little more. Not held so much hope so near his heart. This whole situation just really sucks, and finally Zayn mumbles, "Alright, thanks anyway I guess. He just left me this number, so I thought I would give it a go,"

Zayn is about to hit the end button when the man says, "Oh, wait,"

Hope is something strange. Hope is something beautiful. And right now, with the man telling him to wait, Zayn feels a strange amount of hope swirl in his chest. Hope that he is going to get Liam back. Hope that life will go back to the way it was. Hope that he will wake up in the morning and find himself wrapped up in the arms of the person he loves the most in the entire world. But the hope isn't all Zayn is feeling. Zayn is also feeling a little angry. He is angry _with himself_  for wanting Liam back so badly. Because Liam had started the fights. This had been a lot of Liam's fault too. So why is Zayn doing all the chasing? Where is Liam to do his own part of the chasing and the apologizing? 

"Yes?" Zayn's voice is a little cracked when he speaks. He's not exactly sure what's happening. He's nervous and excited and he feels like Liam is getting closer and closer. 

"Mr. Payne said that if someone calls asking for him that we are to let them know about his current status. I'm sorry, I just looked at this note in the database now," The man is obviously clicking more buttons. Zayn's heart starts to beat faster. "He said that he's taking up residence in the beach side apartments on Oak Street, just a few blocks from the town's main street. He didn't say which apartment though, I'm sorry,"

Zayn hangs up without saying thank you or okay, or anything really. His mind just starts racing. 

The beach side apartment complex is called Sandy Shore Residences. Zayn's familiar with it because Liam's friend lives there. His name is Harry. That's a place to start at least. 

 

* * *

 

II.

 "I've been thinking, Zayn," Louis is eating chips and trying to talk at the same time, "Maybe getting out there again will help you feel better. Why don't I set you up on a blind date?"

Zayn is submerged into his television show, but Louis' comment doesn't go unnoticed. He pauses the TV and glances to Louis for only a few seconds, "No thanks," He really doesn't want to think about anyone but Liam. And maybe this does sound sad. And maybe Zayn is "clingy". But he fucking loves Liam and he can't just ignore that and try to move on in life like Louis wants. Louis sighs and puts the chips on the side table.

"I really think that you should at least consider it," Louis persuades, "I mean, I have a few friends that I think you'd be really good with,"

"I'm not your hook-up toy, Louis,"

Louis rolls his eyes, "You make me sound like I'm trying to sell you out, Zee,"

"I just don't want a date,"

"Why?"

"Because," Zayn emphasizes, "And my not wanting to should be enough for you to stop bugging me,"

"You're just sitting here!" Louis stands up and wipes the chip debris from his skinny jeans and sweater, "That's all you have been doing since you stopped drinking. You're just this uninterested and un-involved person, sitting in a pit of what he left behind,"

And this is really not true. Zayn is only one day away from driving over to Sandy Shore, where he will hopefully be talking to Harry. Because that's a step in a good direction, right? And then he'll be yet another step closer to Liam. And that's all Zayn could really ask for right now. Things are looking up. So Zayn says, "I'm not in a pit of what he left behind,"

Louis looks genuinely upset, "Zayn you don't fucking get it. You _are_ what he left behind,"

Louis' words are not lies. 

 So Zayn postpones the trip to Sandy Shore Residences for a few reasons. The first being Louis. Louis is really angry about all of this. The second is Louis' words. _You are what he left behind._ The words completely haunt Zayn for two solid days. And the third reason, is that Zayn's not sure what he would say. He knows he can't just knock on Harry's door and expect to start up a normal conversation, can he? Somewhere in the middle he would just slip in a, "Oh and how is Liam? Where does he live? How can I get there?" No. That is most definitely not going to work. So, Zayn starts thinking of reasons that he would have to go and return something. 

He heads into his room. When Liam left, he left a lot of his things all over the bedroom. Clothes, blankets, his pillow, the whole bit. Louis had cleaned it all out eventually. But Zayn starts searching. There has to be something that he could take to Harry. There has to be something that wouldn't be weird to return. Zayn flattens himself on the ground and looks under the bed. There is a shoe box sitting back against the wall, so Zayn sticks his arm into the dust bunnies and pulls it out. It's an old keepsake box that Zayn had started a little bit before he started dating Liam. Surely Zayn had put some of his Liam mementos in here, right?

The first thing Zayn sees when he opens the box is a post-it note. It's almost exactly like the one from the knife drawer. It says something different though.

"I'm guessing you're looking for something of mine? Take the necklace and the dog tags. Love, Liam."

What the actual fuck? Zayn is starting to freak out. How did Liam know that Zayn would look here for a memento? It seems absurd that Liam could have guessed that and planned it that much in advance. But here it is. The writing is fading a little on the note, but it's as clear as ever that Liam knew that this would happen. Liam knows Zayn better than he knows himself. 

Zayn slips the note into his pocket and he rummages through the box. At the bottom there are two chains, one is a normal necklace with a sun and a moon on it, something Zayn had given Liam on their first year anniversary. The other is a military chain, with Liam's dog tags hanging on it. It wasn't a gift that Zayn had given Liam. It was actually a gift Liam had gotten from his father. But it was something that Liam had trusted Zayn to keep. And that trust was something of beauty in itself.

So he holds the two chains in his palm, admiring the way they bring back memory after memory. The necklace brings back memories of dinner dates and trips to the ice cream shop downtown. It brings back the memory of the day Zayn presented Liam with the little black box when they were at the orchard, picking apples. Liam wore the necklace every day after that. And the dog tags remind Zayn of the very first time Liam had pinned him down on their mattress, kissing away at his neck and cheeks. The long military chain allowed the tags to sweep into Zayn's face, especially when Zayn was on his back and Liam was hovering over him. The memories almost move Zayn to tears.

"Zayn?" It's Niall's voice, "Are you in there?"

"Oh, uh," Zayn slips the necklace and the dog tags into his pocket, "Yeah, come in,"

Niall opens the door and walks towards Zayn's bed, "What are you doing in here, mate?"

Zayn shrugs, "Just cleaning. Why? Am I not allowed to be in my bedroom, in my apartment? Which, by the way, you didn't ask to come into,"

"I was just done with work and wanted to come over and hang. What's so wrong with that?" Niall looks almost offended.

"Nothing," Zayn laughs, "Nothing," After all, he's used to Louis and Niall walking into his house unannounced. They have keys and everything.

"Let's go out and do something crazy tonight," Niall says.

Zayn shakes his head, "Sorry, I have other plans,"

Niall looks confused, "What plans?"

"Just something I have to take care of," Zayn grabs his shoes from the side of his room, "While I'm gone you can take care of my plants,"

"Are you leaving for a long time?" Niall looks worried and he walks closer to Zayn.

"No," Zayn laughs, "I just want you to have a job while I'm gone. I'll see you later tonight, okay?"

Niall nods, "Yeah, okay. I'll watch your plants," He rolls his eyes a bit.

Zayn is about to leave, but he turns around and says, "If my cactus, Jasper, is dead when I get back I'm going to hunt you down and kill you,"

The joke is acknowledged with a hearty laugh, and then Niall is on the ground, "A fucking cactus names Jasper, yeah, yeah, okay. Have a good trip to wherever you're going. Jasper is in good hands man, trust me."

 

 ~*~

 

When Zayn pulls up in front of Sandy Shore Residences, the first thing he realizes is how much the place hasn't changed. It's probably been almost a half a year since he has been here with Liam to visit with Harry and swim out in the ocean, but everything looks exactly the same. The way the driveway to the complex is lined with palm trees, the way the driveway's cracked black concrete is covered with sand. Everything is exactly the same, and so very different from Zayn's own more Urban apartment complex. But Zayn tries to ignore the memories of the beach and the sun, and focus on what he came here to do. So he steps out of his car, feeling the two chain necklaces in his pocket getting heavier and heavier. 

He knows which apartment belongs to Harry, so he slowly makes his way up the steps and across the external hallway of the complex. Harry's apartment is the closest and most open to the beach, and it makes Zayn feels a little sick to his stomach. All the memories are hitting him hard in the gut over and over again. _Liam picking him up and throwing him in. Liam teaching him to surf, and diving under water to help when the waves hit Zayn too hard. Liam picking Zayn up and carrying him out of the water and back to their blanket to have a picnic._

Zayn pushes everything aside in his mind and walks up to Harry's door, apartment 12A. The doors cracked blue paint is familiar and kind on his knuckles. He knocks a few times and steps back. 

Harry answers quickly, and then freezes when he sees who is at his door. Zayn is an unexpected, and perhaps unwanted, visitor. 

"Hi," Harry's voice has gotten deeper and raspier, if that is even possible. Zayn finds himself unable to say anything. "What do you need, Zayn?" The attitude Harry is giving off isn't a good one. He seems fed up, angry, not exactly enjoying this. But Zayn supposes that if he were in Harry's shoes, he might be a bit put off too. 

"I just..." Zayn feels nervous and scared and stupid, "I brought something," He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the two chains. Harry's eyes widen, and then his eyebrows knit together. "Why are you making that face?" Zayn asks.

Harry sighs, "Liam told me you would bring me these,"

"Really?"

Harry just nods and takes the necklaces, "Except he told me to expect you months ago. He thought you would try to find him, Zayn,"

"I am! I am trying to find him,"

"You took a long time," Harry gestures for Zayn to go inside. They walk slowly. "He thought you would come after him a long time ago,"

"He left me! He left me! Why should I have just known that he would leave me stupid little notes?" Zayn feels angry, but also sad, and also hopeless. The beach side apartment is loosing its good memories and euphoric vibe. "He changed his number, he left. I just thought that he was serious about us being done forever," Zayn's dead honest. 

Harry shakes his head, "You should have known that he couldn't be done with you. You should have known. He was in love with you Zayn."

Zayn feels like shit. A huge weight drops into his stomach, and pulls him down. His knees shake a little bit. Because he is focusing on one single word. _Was_. Liam  _was_ in love with Zayn. "Was," Zayn vocalizes it, "He was in love with me. And.. _is_ no longer in love with me,"

"I honestly don't know, Zayn,"

Zayn and Harry both sit on his sofa, and the bright, heavily windowed, apartment that used to make Zayn feel alive, is suddenly making him want to vomit. This entire journey trying to find Liam has been emotionally draining, and it seems that there is a reoccurring theme to all of it. Zayn is too late. 

"Here," Harry runs his hands through his messy curled locks and then grabs a piece of paper from the side table, "I'll write down his current phone number, but don't tell him that I gave it to you. Please. I don't think he would appreciate that,"

"Why not?" Zayn chokes. [After this scavenger hunt, Liam doesn't really want to see Zayn?]

Harry shrugs, "I just don't want to be a part of this. I don't know how he is feeling. Mainly because I haven't seen him for almost two months,"

"What?"

"Liam joined the military, Zayn. Just like his father. He waited for you, and then decided he couldn't spend his entire life waiting for someone who was never coming,"

"But...I just..." Zayn feels like he has no words, "I just didn't find the damn notes,"

"It's just too late," Harry stands and practically herds Zayn to the door, "Bye, Zayn, have a good life, man. I'll miss you and the days we had on the beach,"

 

~*~

 

The next few days pass in a blur. Zayn feels lost. For almost a week he has been planning to meet Liam, to find Liam, but now he's figuring out that doing so is impossible. Once again, he has nothing but a phone number. So Zayn sits at home and lays on the couch. He finds an old bottle of vodka under the sink and opens it up. It tastes like piss, but that's not what Zayn cares about. He just wants to get completely wasted. He wants for forget all this shit about Liam and move on. He needs to forget the fact that he was ever going to give Liam a second chance and just keep moving forward. Louis' words from earlier in the week ring through Zayn's mind, " _We move forward."_ But Zayn isn't moving forward now, is he? In fact, he's going backwards, falling into the terrible drinking patterns of those weeks not too long ago. 

The burn of the alcohol is good and familiar. Like an old friend. Zayn feels comfortable. That night in his little urban apartment, he thinks of the sunny beach side apartments where Liam lived for a little before he joined the military. He imagines Liam happy and free. Surfing, swimming, waiting. He imagines the day that Liam decided to join the military. Was he sad? Angry? Disappointed? Happy? The thoughts plague Zayn's mind. But all Zayn can do is keep drinking, and drinking, and drinking. 

 

* * *

 

III.

 Zayn doesn't remember Niall and Louis taking him to the hospital. Nor does he remember getting intubated, or put on a ventilator. He doesn't remember the doctors inserting a tube into his stomach and sucking out the alcohol. None of that left a mark on Zayn. Maybe because he was passed out cold. But just because Zayn doesn't remember it doesn't mean that it had no affect on him. In fact, it's the opposite. Zayn was near death, and the idea of the whole thing makes Zayn's body shake. How could Zayn have done this to himself? His friends warned him time and time again, especially Louis. But the warning apparently wasn't enough for Zayn.

In the weeks after the hospital, Zayn tries to look at life in a different way. He tries to get out more. He stops thinking about the fact that he lost Liam. He starts thinking about his time with Liam as a blessed time in his life, and now he's moving on. 

Louis rips up the number that Harry had given Zayn. Louis isn't taking any chances this time though, and he puts the pieces in his pocket to discard at a later time, far away from Zayn.

And so, Zayn begins to heal.

This time, the healing process is real though. He knows that everything that had happened was in the past, and that there was no way to hold onto it any longer. He had to move on. He had to "move forward". This was his time to do something with his life. This was his time to break away from the "clingy"-ness of his past and move onto a free, brilliantly bright future. He looks for a new job, and ends up being hired by the company that also employs Louis. Zayn starts working at Port Columbus Design on a lovely morning in August.

"Welcome, Mr. Malik, I'm so glad you're going to be part of the team," Mr. Columbus is a large man, and also the CEO of the company. He's terrifying to Zayn.

But Zayn feels confident, dressed up up and ready for the day. He's mentally prepared, "Thank you sir, I'm very excited myself,"

Zayn gets showed to his own cubical, where sketches of clothes are piled up high on the corner of his desk. Mr. Columbus tells him the major function of his job, to debate with the committee which designs are to be moved into the next stage of production, or whether they should be stopped and thrown away. It sounds simple and fun, and Zayn has always had an appreciation for pretty clothes, I mean, who doesn't? He's just glad that he has his life back on track. So he sits in his brand new office and gets to work. He decides which he likes and marks them with a green post-it, while the bad ones get red. It's simple, a good place to start. The schedule on his new computer tells him that he has a committee meeting later in the evening to determine which of this stack will be moving on. 

Life is looking up.

He goes through the pictures some more, however, he freezes on the sixth one. It's a design based on army camouflage. It stops Zayn dead in his tracks. Then something suddenly sparks in his mind. He flips back through the five previous to the camouflage one, and realizes that they are all patriotic. Zayn's confused. He stands in his cubicle and walks to his supervisors office. His supervisor happens to be Louis.

"Hey Zee," Louis smiles, "Enjoying the job so far?"

Zayn nods, "Yeah, I am. I was just wondering what the collection we are working on is called."

"Oh, it's to support the troops,"

"...oh,"

"Is that a problem, Zayn?"

"No," Zayn shakes his head, "No, no problem, Lou. Sorry. I'll just head back to work,"

So Zayn returns to his cubicle, wondering if a month would ever pass in which he never thought of Liam.

It seems as though the world doesn't want Zayn to forget it. The world isn't giving up on Liam and Zayn. 

 

~*~

 

That Saturday night is the first fashion show of Zayn's fashion career. Louis has had to do this for a long time now, get dressed up and represent the company. But Zayn isn't quite used to it. He and Louis are standing Zayn's room, digging through Zayn's closet. There has to be something that will make Zayn look both professional and hot, right?

"Oh, what about this?" Louis grabs khaki slacks, a red button up, suspenders, and a bow tie.

Zayn smiles, "I'll look like a mini-Louis,"

"Yeah," Louis laughs, "That's the point. You'll look fucking great,"

So Zayn gets dressed and fixes his hair. Once he feels satisfied, he returns to Louis who smiles immediately, "This is perfect, no joke, let's go before you can second guess it. I'll drive." The two of them walk out of Zayn's room and to the front door, where Niall is standing. There is a sad and lonely look on his face, not to mention that his eyes are a little watery. Both Louis and Zayn know that Niall is about to put on a show. 

"Don't leave me," Niall immediately pouts. By the looks of it, Niall is dressed up too, ready for a night out. Louis raises his eyebrow in curiosity and waits for Niall to continue. "I want to go with you," Niall finally says. 

Louis rolls his eyes and Zayn laughs. "Why don't you stay here and take care of Jasper again?"

"Ughh," Niall groans, "No more calling your plant Jasper just to get me to stay home. Please, can I come? I'm all dressed up! I won't make a noise. I'll just sit there and watch the people and their pretty outfits and I'll just...I just don't want to sit here alone all night,"

The three of them end up in the car. Who can refuse pouting Niall? Apparently not Zayn and Louis.

It's not too long of a drive to get to the venue. Living close to down town is a nice part to living in a more urban area. The valet parking is free for Zayn and Louis, as they are employees of Port Columbus, and Mr. Columbus is hosting the event. So they hop out of the car and hand the keys to the worker who smiles and drives off with the car before Zayn can register that he is actually here.

The fact that he's moved on with life enough to have a high paying job, where he is attending beautiful fashion shows, is amazing. Life has turned out so much differently than Zayn would have ever imagined though. But that's okay. This is all okay. This life is beautiful.

The three of them make their way inside, where they are escorted to their seats and offered something to drink. Louis asks for some expensive fruity drink, and then tells Zayn to get anything he wants. Port Columbus pays the tab on all food and drink ordered by their employees. So Zayn asks for a hard lemonade and a beer [for Niall of course]. 

"Okay, so the agenda tonight," Louis says after they have gotten their drinks, "First, we sit and watch the show. Once it's all finished we have about an hour to socialize, which we are expected to do with pride and respect, Port Columbus is a highly renowned company, remember that. And then the night ends with a few speeches from Mr. Columbus and other people who made this show possible. It's basically standard routine. Except tonight, during our time to socialize, we are having special guests from the Wounded Warrior project,"

Zayn is taking all of this in, but the Wounded Warrior Project makes him feel a little sick. It keeps making him think about Liam. 

The show starts at seven on the dot, and the runway is immediately dripping with tall lanky girls in outfits that Zayn helped approve. It's a strange but satisfying feeling. Zayn understands why Louis likes this job so much. It's the first time in a long time that Zayn feels like he's made something beautiful. He feels like this job is going to save him from falling into a rut. He feels like this job is going to make him feel like he is doing something great with his life, with a great company and great co-workers. He smiles to himself as another model works his way down the runway. Everything is beautiful. The people. The shining lights. The outfits. There is a certain level of glamour here that Zayn has never experienced. The last time he felt anything like this, he was in love. And it's been awhile since then, hasn't it? Zayn almost forgot what beautiful really meant. 

The show concludes with flashing lights and applause, and Zayn stands up just like the rest of the crowd. But then all the people are moving, and talking, and the lights are dim and the music starts to blare. How is Zayn supposed to socialize with all this going on? He follows Louis threw the crowd, as Louis is navigating and already hitting up conversations with ease. Zayn is trying to keep up, trying to hold his weight as an employee, but this is actually freaking him out. A lot of stress starts pushing down on his shoulders really fast. Louis realizes how tense Zayn is, and he turns to his friend and practically screams to be heard, "You can go to the refreshment table, there are less people there. Don't worry, I was like this at my first show too. It's hard to get used to. Call me if you need anything,"

Zayn wants to thank Louis for being so good about this, but then Louis disappears into a swamp of people. So Zayn just pushes his way to the back of the crowd where there is a table of drinks and snacks. He grabs a little brownie and is about to pop it into his mouth when a fist collides with the side of his face.

In retrospect, maybe Zayn should have been more aware of his surroundings. Maybe he should have looked for people he knew. Maybe he should have realized that Liam fucking Payne was standing only a few feet away from him.

Zayn falls to the ground, brownie and all, and immediately his head starts pounding. He had been punched fucking _hard_. 

"What the actual fuck Zayn?" Liam is yelling, his face distorted in a strange version of rage Zayn can't quite understand.

It still hasn't really hit Zayn that Liam is only two feet away either. He's kind of just staring up at Liam in confusion. Maybe Zayn is still in a haze from being punched. Maybe he's just not registering the magnitude of the shit that is happening. 

"Fuck you," There are tears coming to Liam's eyes, and slowly but surely, Zayn realizes what is happening. His mind starts to race. Why is Liam here? Why did Liam punch him? Why is Liam yelling and acting so seriously hurt? "You fucking show up and you just ignore me, like I don't even exist. Hate me all you want but a hello would have been fucking nice."

"Wait, Liam--what?"

"You fucking heard me. You just walked past me like I wasn't here. I at least thought you were going to say hello. Or have you moved on so much you don't even remember me?" Liam is starting to make a scene. People are staring, and Zayn and his brownie are still on the ground. Zayn can't have this attention brought to himself, this is his first event on the job and he can't ruin this. He really just can't ruin it. So Zayn stands himself and tries to remain composed.

"Hi, Liam," Zayn says.

Liam still hasn't calmed down, "What the actual fuck? _What the actual fuck, Zayn?_ Are you trying to hold a normal conversation with me?"

The answer is yes, but the trying part isn't really working. Zayn can feel the tears start to build behind his eyes, he can feel the memories resurfacing, he can feel the pain of all the shit in the past washing over him, hitting him like waves. Crashing again and again. Before Zayn can even think about what he wants to say or do, he passes out on the floor.

 

~*~

 

"Is he okay?" 

There are voices flooding all around Zayn. He feels as though he's laying on a bed. It's comfortable.

"What happened to him?"

"I heard that he was standing with one of the Wounded Warriors,"

"What?"

"Yeah, someone named Liam Payne,"

There's a lot of whispers and voices, and Zayn feels himself coming to. His eyes blink a few times, the world spins a little. He forces himself to sit up and wake up. When he is finally in sitting position, he finds himself face to face with Louis, Niall, and another Port Columbus employee. Zayn doesn't know his name.

"Are you okay, Zee?" Louis asks, "You scared me for a minute,"

Zayn nods slowly, "I'm okay,"

"Are you sure?" Niall intervenes, "Liam is here. Did he talk to you? Are you falling in love with him again? Was he so hot you fainted?"

"Niall!" Louis scolds. He turns to Zayn again, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Zayn nods again, "I'll be fine, Lou."

There is a moment of silence. Zayn looks around the small room they are in and he realizes he's in the coat room on a small couch. He feels like shit, honestly. Liam is out there somewhere in the building, and he's pissed. Pissed enough to punch someone in the face. Zayn's not sure what he should do. He's not sure whether confrontation would be a good thing now, or if he should just wait it out and act like tonight didn't happen.

"You have to go talk to him," Louis eventually says. Zayn's eyes snap up to Louis', because Louis is never to first one to recommend contact between Liam and Zayn. In fact, he's normally actively against it. But for some reason, Louis is realizing that there needs to be some kind of follow up conversation between the two. Liam needs to explain why the hell he thought he really deserved to _punch_ Zayn. "But maybe I should come with you,"

Zayn shakes his head, "I can do it,"

"Are you sure?" Louis asks, "I could just stand behind you for moral support, I mean, this isn't easy."

"I know it's not easy, Louis. But I can do this,"

Zayn takes this blind courage that is building in his stomach and he stands up and leaves the coat room before he can second guess anything. He walks through the crowd of people in the main room, his eyes scanning, searching. A part of him is sick and tired of looking for Liam and coming up empty, but another part of Zayn knows that this time, Liam is going to be here. For sure, this time. 

It takes a few minutes before Zayn sees Liam. He's hunched over a bar on the side of the room. He looks stronger than he used to, and his hair is buzzed, unlike his old look. He's also wearing a Wounded Warrior shirt and cargo pants. His dog tags are around his neck too, and Zayn is curious as to how he got them back. Did he visit Harry?

"Liam," Zayn talks as sternly as possible, though there is a little shake to his voice, "Can we talk? Please?"

Liam looks over his shoulder and eyes Zayn with a look of disgust, "Why?"

"Please, just, can we have civilized conversation? I don't understand how you can be so blindly angry,"

Those words trigger a response from Liam. He jumps from the bar and grabs Zayn's collar, pulling Zayn behind him as he walks. This isn't exactly what Zayn was hoping for, but it is a start. Liam pulls Zayn into what looks to be a storage room. It's small and poorly lit, but it's a secluded place to talk. Zayn's thankful for that at least.

"Listen up," Liam is still acting angry and upset and hurt and it makes Zayn feels angry and upset and hurt too. Because this wasn't all Zayn's fault. Was it? "I don't really care how your life is. I don't even care that we are this far broken. All I want to know is why you didn't come after me. I just want to know why you didn't give a fuck after you told me you loved me for almost three years straight."

Zayn is in awe. Harry didn't tell Liam that Zayn came to visit? Harry just gave Liam the dog tags and was able to come up with how he got the dog tags that didn't involve Zayn?

"I don't know what you mean," Zayn says, "I _did_ look for you Liam. I did."

"What?"

"I mean, I didn't find your note until a few months after you left. But when I found the note, I did come after you. I called the fucking hotel. I searched through my shit and found your dog tags and the other necklace. I even went to visit Harry. I tried so hard to find you because I wanted you back. I wanted us back, Liam. But you were gone. You joined the military. Harry told me that there was no way to get in touch with you." Zayn sucks in air because he just spilled his guts. He's angry, and sad, and every emotion all at once. He's feeling lightheaded from the punch earlier too.

"Harry said that you never came by. He said that Louis brought over necklaces and stuff, and that you weren't interested,"

"Well then...Harry lied." There is a moment of silence. There is a moment of mutual understanding, and then Zayn continues, "I just don't get why you put the note in the knife drawer,"

Liam licks his lips, "I just thought you would tear the house apart and try to find me,"

"I wanted to. I just didn't think you would have left anything. I thought that when you left, it was done for good. I seriously did. So instead of destroying the house, I destroyed myself," This is the first time Zayn has ever admitted to this. It feels both good and bad. "You don't even understand."

"But I do," Liam says, "I felt the same thing. I lived at the hotel for a little, then moved in with Harry, then moved into the apartment next to Harry. All I did was wait for you,"

"We were idiots," Zayn sighs in defeat.

"I know,"

"I'm sorry,"

"I'm sorry too," Liam's apology sounds sincere, and he steps forward, close to Zayn, and reaches out with his hand. Zayn hasn't held hands with anyone for a long time now, in fact, the last person he held hands with was Liam. So, while out of practice, it still feels normal to him. It feels safe. It feels _right_. And that is something. Liam shakes his head sadly, "What were we doing?"

"I don't know. I really don't,"

Liam tugs on his shirt, "I never would have gone into the army if I would have known that you were looking for me,"

Zayn realizes that he hasn't been able to voice his curiosity about why Liam is with the Wounded Warrior Project, so he says, "Why are you even here tonight?"

"I'm part of Wounded Warrior, I plan things and set up gigs like this. I've been a part of it since I got back. After all, I'm a wounded warrior myself,"

"What?" Zayn is in awe, "You were hurt?"

Liam shrugs, "Technically, I never saw battle. I was just stationed in an army barrack for training and stuff. There was a little bomb one day from some outside unknown source and a huge piece of metal became really good friends with my right side. The shrapnel is a killer, I swear. I had tons of stitches under my right ribs, and...I don't know. It was just bad. I decided that the military wasn't for me. I'm not a fighter. And why should I go out and fight battles that shouldn't even be fought in the first place? I decided that I didn't want to be a faceless person throwing myself in front of a bullet for a cause that is pointless. I mean, people are starting wars for no reason and people and getting hurt and killed. So, after the accident I stayed with Harry. Still am staying with Harry actually. And then I joined Wounded Warrior."

Zayn eyes Liam's side, where there must be a huge scar. 

"Want to see?" Liam offers to Zayn.

Part of Zayn wants to say yes, but he's sure it looks painful and terrible. Liam doesn't wait for an answer though, he just lifts his shirt up, revealing the scar. It starts a few inches above Liam's belly button and runs up and to the right side of Liam's body. It wraps all the way around to Liam's back too. 

"Ouch,"

"Yeah," Liam laughs a bit and lets his shirt fall back down, "I just wish I knew that you were looking for me."

"I'm sorry,"

Liam shakes his head, "It wasn't your fault, Zayn. It was stupid to leave those notes. Hell, it was stupid of me to try to get you jealous and start those fights in the first place. I just liked the idea that you got jealous and that you loved me so much you'd get pissed even if another person stared at me too much. I just pushed it too far. And I know that, and I'm sorry."

"It's not all your fault," Zayn acknowledges, "I mean, I was the one who told you to leave,"

"It's okay," Liam says, "I think I would have done the same,"

This whole time their hands have still been together, holding on for dear life. Zayn's afraid that if he lets go, that Liam will disappear again. But Liam drops their hands and Zayn doesn't want to look clingy, so he drops the hold too. 

"Can I see your phone?" Liam asks.

"Why?"

"Just, let me see it," Liam insists.

Zayn pulls out his phone and hands it over who is he to question Liam now? Zayn's just going to let it all happen. 

When the phone is put back in Zayn's hand Liam disappears in the crowd. 

And in Zayn's phone is a new phone number.

The contact name is Liam xoxo.

 

~*~

 

"I'm not letting you get back together with him," Louis has his arms crossed over his chest, "Hell to the no. I'm not stupid. This is a bad relationship. This relationship did damage, to both of you! He had to get like fifty stitches and you almost drank yourself to death. He left you behind. You forgot about him. But now you want him back again?"

"Louis, it's not like I'm ever going to love someone else as much as I love him," Zayn is trying is best to explain, "It's like when I'm with him, I feel at ease. I feel like the storm that's normally going on in my mind is silenced. I don't think about drinking when I'm with him, because all I can think about is him. After all this time, and all the effort I've put into forgetting him, it's quite clear that I can't. I can't forget him because he is the love of my life, Louis. He is all I think about at night when I'm laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. He completes me, and I don't care and stupid and pretentious that sounds. I just know living without him is so hard and I just want it to be easier. I want him, Louis. I want all of him. The good and the bad. The parts that try to make me jealous. The parts that try to make me laugh. I even love the parts of him that start fights, because they prove that even after a storm there is peace for us."

"You're trying to romanticize this shit," Louis rolls his eyes, "I don't get why he ever left in the first place,"

"I told him to,"

"Because he was being an asshole,"

"No, because he was trying to make me pay more attention to him," Zayn sighs, "The first time we moved too fast. I didn't give him what he needed and he didn't give me what I needed. Sure, it was beautiful and amazing for three years, but this time, it's going to be different. Very, very different. Trust me. I'm able to support myself. And I know that some of the things that happened were just plain wrong, and maybe not healthy. But I'm going to try this again. And it's going to be different because I know what I'm doing this time."

Louis bites his lip, "Okay. But I swear, Zayn, I swear to fucking God, even if he hurts you just a little bit, I'm going after his ass. Do you understand? I don't care if he is a "wounded warrior" or not. I will kill him."

"Okay,"

"Good," Louis says, "Now, go ahead and go see him. I know that's all you're thinking about."

 

~*~

 

Sitting next to Liam on the couch is weird for Zayn. They are in Zayn's apartment, the place they used to live together. Liam probably feels really odd being back here. Zayn doesn't think it feels like it used to. But then again, he didn't expect it to. Everything is different. He knows it. It can't be like it _was_. It's impossible. 

Liam is holing Zayn's hand, which Zayn imagines is an okay step. I mean, it's pretty elementary. They are watching _Attack On Titan_ , which is a show Zayn has been obsessed with lately, and it's pretty normal. Pretty calm. There is no tension in the air. It's just a nice overall feeling.

But Liam suddenly turns to Zayn, and leans in. Zayn's heart starts to pound, because if there is one thing Zayn has missed, it's Liam's lips. But he can't.

"Uh, no," Zayn pulls away, "Liam,"

Liam freezes and looks confused, "What?"

"I'm not just jumping back into this,"

"Oh,"

"Did you think we could pick up where we left off?" Zayn asks, his face distorting. He can't imagine that Liam would assume that. 

"I thought we might," Liam looks embarrassed, "I just really missed you, Zayn,"

"I missed you too," Zayn smiles, "But everything isn't magically fixed you know. I mean...I know you were sad and that you got hurt in the military, and I know it's hard...just...for me, Liam. For me, you leaving, was the end of the world. You were my everything," Liam's eyes widen a bit. Zayn keeps going, "I almost drank myself to death because of it. I mean, I was stuck in this huge pile of what you left behind. _I_ _was_ _what you left behind_ , Liam."

Liam's eyes start to tear up and he starts breathing heavier, as if holding back little sobs, "Zayn, I...I'm sorry I just...I didn't know that you would do that."

"And I didn't know that you would join the military and get hurt. Okay? We both made mistakes. There was a lot of bad decisions, both of us,"

"Okay,"

Zayn takes a deep breath, "It's been so long. For all of this. And I want to get back to where we were, I just can't let myself jump into it like that. It's been so long."

"Then why are you trying again?" Liam asks, looking a little hurt.

"Because we are fireproof, Liam," Zayn smiles, "Even after all of this shit, I still love you so much. You know that right? I never stopped loving you. I never stopped thinking about you."

"Me neither, Zayn. Me neither,"

 

* * *

 

IV.

 "Don't you dare," Zayn laughs, "Don't you fucking dare,"

Liam laughs too and jumps up, chasing Zayn towards the water. It's a nice day to be on the beach. It's a nice day to be with people you love. It's warm and sunny and bright. Winter went by without much fight, and the spring is warming up for summer. It's a good day to take advantage of Liam's beach front apartment. 

Zayn jumps into the water, but not too deep. It only comes up to his knees, "Stay back!"

Liam's hands are covered in mustard. It was originally for their sandwiches, but the bottle exploded when Liam was trying to open it. 

"I'm going to run my mustard covered hands through your hair," Liam says, "Better watch out,"

Zayn laughs more and jumps for Liam's hands, putting them under water as quickly as he could. Liam's face drops, "Aw man,"

Liam's clean hands resurface and he splashes Zayn a few times with the cool water, sending Zayn running towards the picnic again. 

"Can you do me a favor tomorrow?" Liam asks as he sits back on the blanket beside Zayn.

"Yeah, sure babe,"

"Will you go on a date with me after you're off of work?" 

Zayn's eyes light up a little and he laughs, "Sure, of course,"

"Good," Liam nods, "Good,"

 

~*~

 

The date the next day ends with their lips locked, Zayn's hands in Liam's hair. It took a long time for this kiss to happen, but Liam had proved that things were different. Zayn had proved it too. And it was a good time for it to happen, right after Liam had gotten down on his knees said everything that Zayn had been needing to hear.

"Zayn, I know that I left you at a bad time. And I know that you think I left you behind. But that was never my intention. Leaving you behind was the worst thing that I have ever done. We both were stupid, but me, I was 75% of that stupid. And I just love you more than I ever thought possible, even more now that we have waited and let this build back up. I realize what we did wrong, and I see what we are now doing right, and how I was stupid for fighting. That was not the way to get what I wanted. We were young, but now we're not. And I get it now. It's been so long, Zayn, it's been so long. We are fireproof. We have lasted. Nothing can break us apart. Will you please, please, give me another chance?"

Zayn decided that Liam deserved at least a kiss for this speech. And maybe, something more late that night, while they were cuddled up on Zayn's mattress. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
